In Recovery, on Suboxone, and in the Weed Business

I had a few days left on my Suboxone script when I interviewed Justin “Bong King.” He was a professional bong-racer and self-described champion of the competitive smoking circuit. An affable guy, nonetheless his was an image of American cannabis long past, pushed aside by marketing grads and stay-at-home moms who sold branded CBD and touted the benefits of micro-dosing. But Justin drew a crowd, and an entourage to boot. And his natural talent for hitting the fastest gram of weed would corner me into compromising my recovery.Throughout my career as a cannabis journalist, I've kept silent about my sobriety. Finding freelance gigs is hard enough without the added burden of having to be that guy. Besides, if I learned anything from active addiction, it was how to lie at my job.Covering Cannabis Events and Lying About My SobrietyBut as time passed, I felt withdrawn and disconnected. My recovery had no place in the cannabis industry. Moreover, medication-assisted treatment (MAT) seemed anathema to its goals, according to experts and the news. Rep. Matt Gaetz openly questioned whether buprenorphine and methadone are “a more effective offramp [to opioid use disorder] than medical cannabis.” CNN announced that CBD cures heroin addiction. And the editors of Leafly figured out how to combat the opioid crisis with medical cannabis two years prior.After 20 years, recovery had finally become routine. As a cannabis journalist; as an editor in chief — so had my lies.Some lies were easy. Weekly therapy appointments usually coincided with editorial meetings or deadlines. I worked from home, my boss was lax, and anyway, I kept hours around the clock. Monthly visits to my psych and 30-day Suboxone refills upped the number of undisclosed appointments I logged, but still, no one seemed to care.On assignment was a different story. I covered cannabis expos or dispensary openings — events where the drug laws were lax and the supply was liberal. At a hotel in Hell’s Kitchen, I spent three nights alone avoiding networking galas and after-parties hosted by music moguls turned industry entrepreneurs. In the world’s largest dispensary off the Las Vegas strip, I dodged more questions than I asked when leaving empty-handed. With hand waves and head shakes and less-than-assertive no’s, I passed over pot by lying about my sobriety.But face to face with Justin “Bong King,” there was nowhere to hide — no hotel room to run to, no door from which to make a quick exit. There was a crowd around us, boxing us in as he finished his gram smoking demonstration. I shook his hand and stumbled over my words as I signed off the segment on camera.It was either a contact high or placebo effect, or maybe just panic anticipating the piss test I would take in the next few days.Intensive Outpatient: 12 Steps and Scoring DrugsWhen I had about two months left in my treatment program, I walked out of group for good. It was an intensive outpatient program; a six-month IOP run by Philly’s NHS that championed the Big Book and 90 days. For a minute it worked, but it’s drug rehab mired in a puritan past. The 12 steps are great, but they shouldn't be a front-line defense.Besides, all I did there was make friends and score drugs. Thirty addicts in a room is an excellent opportunity to network and learn.By Easter Sunday that year, I felt broken. I was in a dirty motel on Route 1, hopped up on Benzedrex cottons and a $60 baggie of hex-en I purchased online from China. After 20 years of addiction, I had no drug of choice, save for anything that made me high.My wife and kids back home slept together in one bed, a little less worried than the last time I disappeared. I was out of work and estranged from everyone. My best friend joined AA and realized I was one of his people, places, and things.All I had was my family, and I was losing them too.One lie allowed my addictions to grow without the worry of what would happen tomorrow. It’s the lie I told myself when I stole my ex-wife’s Dilaudid two days after her shoulder surgery. It's the lie that made me laugh when I snorted enough Adderall to make my nose blue. And it’s the same lie that made me indignant when my ex-girlfriend’s brother became angry that I was a sloppy drunk in front of his small children.On the Monday after Easter, I drove home before sunrise. It was dark and muggy and difficult to see through my tears and dilated pupils. When I got home, I faced my wife and children and ended the lie that had followed me through two decades of addiction.“I can’t stop,” I whispered. That week, I discussed MAT options with my doctor. I've been in recovery since that day.Cannabis as the Magic Bullet for the Opioid Crisis?Tyler Sash won the Super Bowl in his rookie year with the New York Giants. At the time, he didn’t know he only had a few years left to live. A sixth-round draft pick out of Iowa, he overdosed on a combination of methadone and hydrocodone at the age of 27.“[He] asked if he could smoke marijuana for his pain like the other players,” recalled his one-time girlfriend, former Miss Iowa and reality-show contestant Jessica VerSteeg. I interviewed VerSteeg when she was promoting a new blockchain-bitcoin something-or-other product in the cannabis space. She recounted Sash’s tragic tale during our interview, explaining how it became the backbone of her business.“I wanted to change the way that other people saw cannabis,” she said.VerSteeg’s article drew in readers, as did most CEO and celebrity interviews. Her story reminded me of how lonely my secrecy about my recovery had become. I often wished I could reach out and say that I understood. There are millions of people with substance use disorders, and we're all so alone.But like most of the executive class in the cannabis industry, her hot take on opioids ended up being bullshit. Conventional wisdom in the cannabis industry had run somewhat amok on this topic, and it forced me, I felt, into compromising everything.There was the DEA agent who was so disgusted with opioids that he became a cannabis executive. Without irony, he told me that more research would prove the plant’s medicinal value. The head of an "innovation accelerator" in my city held a conference on the role of medical cannabis in the opioid crisis. He quoted research showing that states with medical cannabis laws have lower rates of opioid overdose deaths. Cannabis, they were convinced, would solve the opioid epidemic.But Where's the Evidence?“Morphine, when it was introduced, was promised to cure what they called alcoholism at the time,” Dr. Keith Humphreys told me. A professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Stanford University, he’s also worked at the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy under Presidents Bush and Obama. “Then, people got addicted to morphine, and cocaine was introduced.”He continued: “In general, there's been this enthusiasm of if we just add a different class of addictive drug on top then that will drive the other addictions out. Generally, what happens is we get more addiction to that drug, and we still have the original problem.”I spoke with Dr. Humphreys after reading his research on cannabis laws and opioid overdose mortality rates. Contrary to conventional wisdom, he found the correlation to be spurious at best. It’s alarming — though not unsurprising — to see the industry ignore his findings. Several states, including Pennsylvania, where I live, approved opioid use disorder as a qualifying condition for medical cannabis.“I couldn’t recommend something medically without clinical trials, well-controlled by credible groups [and] checked for safety,” Dr. Humphreys said. He explained that in the case of cannabis, there was little more than these state-level correlational studies. “None of that has been done.”“I'm amazed and disappointed that we don't care more about people who are addicted to heroin [and other] opioids, that we would wave through something like [medical cannabis] without making sure that it will help people, not hurt them,” he continued, noting that cannabis has shown no efficacy as either a replacement for or an adjunct to any MAT therapy.Listening to Dr. Humphreys made me realize how little I stand up for what I believe. Sometimes, when you’re an addict and you lie so much, you lose any sense of truth.Tyler Sash’s family asked Jessica VerSteeg to stop using his name to promote her business. According to a report in the Des Moines Register, they didn’t want his name associated with drugs anymore, neither opioids nor marijuana. VerSteeg refused, repeating the story she told me to several news outlets.For two years, I wrote about and reported on the emerging cannabis industry while hiding my ongoing recovery. In print and online, I preached cannabis while practicing therapy and Suboxone.Even in recovery, you can still have regrets.

Mexico May Allow Cocaine Use For Two People

No, Mexico did not legalize cocaine. However, a tribunal may decide to uphold a Mexican court’s decision seeking to allow possession, transport and use of cocaine for two people.The court’s ruling would only take effect if confirmed by the tribunal. The case could end up in Mexico’s Supreme Court, USA Today reported. And it would only apply to the two individuals who have not been identified.The reason behind the court’s ruling to allow cocaine for the two is also unknown.In May, the court ordered Mexico’s health authority—COFEPRIS (the Federal Commission for the Protection against Sanitary Risk)—to allow the two people to possess, transport and use cocaine—but not buy or sell it.So far COFEPRIS said it has moved to block the court order.Drug Policy Reformers Speak OutMexico United Against Crime (MUCD), a drug policy reform group, said it is hoping the court’s decision will spur the government to focus more on preventing violent crime. In 2018, Mexico counted a record 33,341 homicides. In the first half of 2019, Mexico has already seen 17,608 homicides.“We have been working for a safer, more just and peaceful Mexico for years, and with this case we insist on the need to stop criminalizing users of drugs other than marijuana and design better public policies that explore all available options, including the regulation,” said Lisa Sánchez, director of MUCD.The group helped influence the Supreme Court’s ruling in 2018 that an absolute ban on the recreational use of marijuana was unconstitutional.Mexico has been grappling with unprecedented violence for years now. Drug policy experts point to the fallout of former President Felipe Calderon’s war on drug cartels that he waged over his six-year term (2006-2012). In that time period, about 120,000 homicides were logged in Mexico.DecriminalizationNow, under President Andrés Manuel López Obrador, the country is considering drug decriminalization. The policy was proposed under the administration’s National Development Plan released this year.The text signals a desire to move away from long-held prohibitionist policies, and toward a new strategy that won’t repeat past mistakes.“In the matter of narcotic drugs, the prohibitionist strategy is already unsustainable, not only because of the violence generated by its poor results in terms of public health,” according to the translated text provided by Marijuana Moment.“Worse still, the prohibitionist model inevitably criminalizes consumers and reduces their odds of social reintegration and rehabilitation.”

Taking Pride in Trans Recovery

Before police raided the Stonewall Inn in 1969, the establishment was a gathering place for the most marginalized members of the LGBTQ+ community, including drag queens and trans women of color. Yet, soon after the raid and subsequent riots, these very people were pushed out of the pride movement, which tended to focus largely on gay white men. “The original pride parade started after the stonewall riots which was initiated by transgender folks such as Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, but pretty soon after that the trans community became invisible and was not included in the gay pride movement,” says Donna Weinberger, founder and CEO of Inspire Recovery, a treatment center in West Palm Beach, Florida that serves LQBTQ+ folks.The frequent focus on middle- and upper-class gay men as the face of the LGBTQ pride movement has led to the continued marginalization of other members of the community, especially trans people. This happens in society at large, and also at self-proclaimed LGBTQ-friendly treatment centers, which may market themselves to the community but be unable to address the needs of trans people with substance use disorder. “A lot of centers don’t understand the trans experience,” says Jaki Neering, a clinician at Inspire Recovery. While Inspire Recovery serves all members of the LQBTQ+ community, it is especially adept at serving the needs of trans clients. This starts with radical acceptance: taking people as they are, and allowing them the time and space to drop the persona that they have adopted in order to survive, and explore who their genuine selves are. “Somewhere along their journey of life, a persona has been created,” Neering explains. In order for treatment to be effective, the person needs to be comfortable connecting with their genuine self, and doing therapy in that mindset, not bringing any personas into their recovery. For many members of the trans community, this can mean taking time to go through developmental processes that were interrupted during adolescence, when they began repressing their true selves to survive. “There’s this interruption that’s happening,” Neering says. “The authentic self isn’t getting to develop; the persona is creating a false identity, so the authentic self never gets that opportunity.”When people go through the coming out process, they sometimes don’t even know the terminology to describe who they are.“They don’t know their authentic identity, because they never got to know themselves,” Neering says. Inspire Recovery allows people the space to reconnect or connect and define who they really are, when they are comfortable dropping the labels and assignments that society has given them.“They go through the process of getting to know themselves, feel feelings and interact with others,” she says. In addition, some people need to work through their own internalized feelings of transphobia in order to come to terms with who they are.Only after these steps are accomplished can people move toward addressing specific issues that are symptomatic of their developmental interruptions and trauma, like substance abuse. “Part of the treatment experience is getting sober, but if that person can’t address the core issues of why they’re using, sobriety will not last,” Neering says. Because trans people are working through so many issues in addition to their substance use, their stay at Inspire Recovery is usually much longer than a typical rehab stay. Six months would be on the short end, and some people stay for up to two years, Weinberger says. In part, that’s because the more people move toward their authentic selves, the more they can be at risk for self-sabotaging through relapse. “If someone has internalized transphobia, the closer they get to living their authentic self and being ok, sometimes the scarier it becomes, because it’s almost a reality,” Weinberger says. One way that Inspire Recovery supports this is by making sure that trans clients don’t stick out. They are not ostracized in treatment, but are welcomed as full-fledged members of the community by providers and patients alike. “It’s a normalized experience,” Neering says. “At our center, you’re one amongst many. There’s not a difference, separation. You’re among so many people having the same experience, and there’s great benefit in that.”Inspire Recovery provides treatment for substance use disorder and mental illness for LGBTQIA+ individuals in West Palm Beach, Florida. Learn more on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and YouTube.

Secondhand Drinking: When Your Alcohol Problem Becomes Everybody Else's

In my vast and storied drinking career of 20+ years, the damage to others was minimal. I mean, I was never in a drunk driving accident, I never even got a DUI (stumbling home on foot from dive bars solved that problem); the drunken brawls I was in usually happened at home with my ex, and there weren’t any arrests due to my insane behavior. The only person I was hurting by getting sloppy, blackout drunk seven days a week was me.Or at least that’s the story I like to tell myself.In reality, there were countless people affected by my drinking. From the landlords I didn’t pay and the employers I worked for while intoxicated to the innocent cashiers who had to help my slurring and sloppy ass at grocery stores and liquor stores and the cab drivers I would harass from the backseat, there were a slew of people taken down by my tequila-soaked tsunami. When you add those people to the list of family members, friends, coworkers, roommates, and neighbors who all suffered some sort of emotional fallout due to my drinking, the damage doesn’t look so minimal. It looks like a small town after a tornado.Studies Show Impact of Alcohol's Harm to OthersSo when a new study came out last month about secondhand drinking, I could certainly identify.Nearly 9,000 participants answered questions from two surveys, the 2015 National Alcohol's Harm to Others Survey and the 2015 National Alcohol Survey. They were asked if they had experienced any or all of 10 different types of harm caused by someone else’s drinking. Coming from an alcoholic home and being an alcoholic myself, I feel like I could answer, “Hell, yes!” to all of these questions without even seeing them. Causing other people harm is the only way I’ve ever known alcohol to work. I am not from civilized red wine sipping stock. For the record, the types of harm included being pushed or hit, feeling threatened or afraid, being a passenger of a drunk driver, marital problems, family problems, and financial problems, all caused by another person’s drinking. A staggering one in five answered what I would have answered: Hell, yes, they’ve been affected by the drinking of others.Researchers believe the number is probably even higher, given the study only asked the participants about the last year of their lives. Personally, this also checks out. I couldn’t even begin to come up with a total and comprehensive list of folks affected by my drunken douchebaggery over the years.According to the study, 23% of women and 21% of men reported experiencing at least one of those harms during the last year. Not surprisingly, women experienced the fallout of someone else’s drinking in marital problems, financial problems, and being the passenger of drunk drivers. Women were more likely to be the victim of violence, sexual assault, and harassment from someone who was drinking than their male counterparts. Men, on the other hand, felt the reverb in the form of property damage, vandalism, and harassment, in addition to drunk driving woes. Folks 18 to 25, the study found, felt the effects of alcoholism the worst, which makes sense as alcohol use disorder is on the rise in that age group. Children were not interviewed for the study but as a kid who grew up in an alcoholic home, I experienced the ill effects of secondhand drinking on a regular basis. All the things the survey mentions — personal violence, damage to property, feeling unsafe — that’s all part of daily life when you grow up around alcoholics.Advertising Normalizes Drinking, While Alcohol Destroys CommunitiesBeyond the super relatable numbers and findings, the study packs an additional punch. The very framing of the study — calling it “secondhand drinking” — is somewhat revolutionary. By labeling it this way, the folks behind the study are emphasizing that drinking doesn’t just hurt the drinker, but it also affects the people around them akin to secondhand smoke. Sure, those of us in recovery who’ve had to write inventories or make amends are well aware of how we’ve effed up the lives around us. But for the rest for the world, drinking is fun, readily accessible, and not as bad as, like, heroin, right? Advertising agencies and big brands have worked really hard over the last decade to normalize drinking in every possible setting — airports, movie theaters, office meetings, and more. Initiating a conversation about how drinking messes up entire communities, economies, and the personal lives of innocent people feels like boldly bucking the system.This study in fact tells the truth of what people in recovery have known for years: the world is a safer and less shitty place if we stay sober. Beyond the loved ones who have to clean up our puke or the fender benders caused when we’ve had one too many, drinking — or more specifically alcohol use disorder — is destroying lives at an alarming rate.In addition to being a writer, I also work at a hospital on an addiction medicine team as a recovery mentor. Daily, our emergency room is filled with people brought in by the negative effects of drinking. Yet in a society where drinking is no big deal, these faces are commonplace and will be replaced by new ones the following day."It's Not That Bad..."Last summer in the hospital, I met a nice lady. She had a good life: She owned a successful business, she had beautiful and talented teenage daughters, a doting husband and concerned friends. Everybody lives next door to this lady. Your mom is friends with this lady. Hell, maybe your mom is this lady. And when they brought her in because of the negative effects of her drinking, she reported that it wasn’t that bad, she only had a few glasses of wine a night.Later, I shared my interaction with a doctor on her team. “Unbelievable!” he said. He told me that moments before I saw her, her medical team showed her detailed pictures of the damage that drinking had caused her brain. During her stay, I got concerned calls from her best friend and her daughters, all of whom had heartbreaking stories of how this woman’s drinking had negatively impacted them. It didn’t matter that she was white or successful or a nice lady. Drinking was ruining her brain, her life, and the lives of the people around her.In the 1970’s and 1980’s, the discovery of the effects of secondhand smoking changed how we thought about tobacco and nicotine. We started talking about how smoking was making the people around us sick, too. We changed how we smoked in front of children, in front of friends, and in public places. When we talk about secondhand drinking, we’re hoping for the same consideration and results. We’re saying it’s not just the alcoholic affected. It’s everybody around them, too.

Charlie Sheen Speaks Candidly On Ex Brooke Mueller's Rehab Stint

Actor Charlie Sheen spoke openly about his ex-wife Brooke Mueller's recent stay in a trauma center following the release of video footage that appeared to show her visibly intoxicated and holding what was reported by sources to be a pipe with crystal meth in 2018.Sheen told The Blast that Mueller, to whom he was married from 2008 to 2011, was "tucked away (yet again!) for the umpteenth billionth time" in a facility on the East Coast. He added that he was helping care for his two sons with Mueller, Bob and Max, with the children's grandparents, but also noted that the "boys need their mom, and hopefully one day soon, they will finally have one [sic]."The video of Mueller from 2018 showed the one-time actress and special correspondent for Extra in a van in Spokane, Washington, holding what appeared to be a pipe to smoke crystal meth.Her son, Bobby, was in a nearby hotel room by himself, which prompted hotel staff to contact police. Officers found the boy in the room, as well as the prescription anxiety medication clonazepam, and stayed with Bobby until she returned an hour after her initial departure. Mueller was not charged with any infraction, and checked into another hotel.The Southampton IncidentThe video came on the heel of another report from July 2019, which claimed that Mueller was seen at a Rite Aid drug store in Southampton, New York. Witnesses claimed that Mueller, who appeared "distraught" and was carrying several suitcases, asked an unnamed individual to take her in. Once at his shared rental, Mueller reportedly opened the suitcase to reveal a sizable amount of drugs, which she allegedly shared with other individuals at the rental.Page Six also reported that an audiotape recording, reportedly made less than a day after the Southampton incident, allegedly featured Mueller traveling in New York with an unidentified individual and looking to obtain narcotics. Mueller can reportedly be heard saying that she wanted to find "cocaine and meth, crystal and coke, and if it's even possible, it has to be the tar, black tar," referring to a free base form of the drug, before adding that the latter was not for her.When contacted about the audiotape, Mueller told sources that she was "more than OK," and was with her treatment team at the time the recording was alleged to have been made. She also said that she had never done heroin in her life, and described the whole media frenzy over her reported behavior as "out of control."When asked about the two incidents, Sheen—whose own history with substance dependency is well documented—confirmed to The Blast that his former spouse was "currently tucked away (yet again!) for the umpteenth billionth time, seeking the help she needs."He added that, "Between myself and the boys' two amazing sets of grandparents, we will continue to seamlessly love shelter and protect Bob and Max, from the haphazard choices and unsightly behavior their mom refuses to extinguish once and for all [sic]."Sheen added that the boys needed Mueller, and hoped that she would return to them "one day soon." But until then, "on every front we got this [sic]."

Bam Margera Says He's Sober, Steve-O & Others Express Concern

Despite concerning social media posts and agreeing to another trip to treatment, former Jackass star Bam Margera claims he is abstaining from both alcohol and drugs. According to Pop Culture, Margera shared a photo of himself earlier this week, captioned, “By the way i was evaluated and tested for alcohol and drugs, the results were negative. Not drunk or drinking, and not on drugs either!!”Margera has had on and off struggles with substance use disorder in recent years and has been in treatment various times. Most recently, he was part of an intervention with Dr. Phil, during which he agreed to enter treatment once again. The intervention came as a result of an Instagram video Margera later deleted, in which he spoke about his family issues and asked Dr. Phil for help. Bam's Mom Speaks OutAfter the intervention, Margera’s mother, April, spoke to Entertainment Tonight about the circumstances. "The only thing that we really want is for Bam to be happy and to find peace in his life and in turn we’d like to find peace in ours," she said. "We just have to take one step at a time and hope that everything is going to work out OK.""For him, he’s just gone off the rails, and I don’t think he can handle what’s going on,” she continued. “So if he reached out to Dr. Phil cause he’s seen Dr. Phil’s show, I mean so be it. Do we want to really air all this stuff? No, not really, but you know, if that’s what he wants to do and that’ll help him get some help, then I think we’ve come up with a good plan. Between the Jackass guys and Dr. Phil, it’s a whole community of people."Margera’s former Jackass co-stars, Steve-O and Brandon Novak, have both gotten sober themselves and have spoken out about being supportive of Margera’s recovery. When Margera posted a list of people who check in on him, claiming it was “frustrating,” Steve-O took to the comments. Steve-O Gets Real"I’m sorry if it’s frustrating for you that we care enough to keep trying to get through to you, Bam," Steve-O wrote. “It couldn’t be more clear that all of this isn’t OK, and I hope you’ll join me and Novak in recovery before your son loses his dad. And, by the way, none of this looks cool (which is a good thing, because it’s humiliating myself that motivated me to commit myself to a program of recovery). It’s time to give up the fight, and join the winning team. I love you, brother..."Novak also stepped up, adding, "I as well as every other name on ur list are actual 'real friends' of yours who truly care about ur well being and quality of life. We WILL NOT condone ur fatal behaviors or justify ur actions in hopes of u not getting angry with us....... I refuse to high five u to ur grave!!!!! I love u and will do whatever it takes to help u so please f—ing let me/us."

Couple’s Meth Recovery Before-And-After Photos Go Viral

When Brent Walker of Cleveland, Tennessee made a Facebook post on July 26 with the hashtag #CleanChallenge, he wanted to showcase the transformation that he and his wife, Ashley, had made since they quit using methamphetamine more then two-and-a-half years ago. He never expected that the Facebook post would go viral, but when it did he was glad to share the couple’s story of addiction and recovery in hopes of helping others. “Don’t give up, it gets easier. It's really hard. We had a really hard time, just because we didn't have nobody to talk to,” Walker told Knox News. “But if you don't give up... the grass is greener on the other side. It's been a blessing. It really has.”In the post, Walker shared two photos of himself and Ashley: one when they were actively using, and a more recent photo from when they were well-established in recovery.Celebrating Sobriety “This is my wife and I in active meth addiction the first photo was taken around December 2016 the second one was taken in July of 2019,” Walker wrote. “This December 31st will be 3 years we have been clean and sober and living for God. I hope that my transformation can encourage a addict somewhere! It is possible to recover!!”Walker said that just before the first photo, he had been in jail for two years on meth-related charges. At first he continued to get high once he was out, but he realized that a positive drug test while on probation could send him back to jail. He decided it wasn’t worth the risk. Then, he asked Ashley, who was his girlfriend at the time, if she was willing to get sober with him. “I asked her if she’d quit with me and she said ‘yes, I go wherever you go,’” he recalled. Early Recovery & NuptialsOne month into sobriety, the pair got married. After two months they were able to get their own place, and after four months they bought a car. Along the way they changed their phone numbers and cut ties with anyone who they used to do meth with. Today, Walker has obtained his GED and works two jobs, one in steelwork and one in HVAC. Ashley is a patient care technician. Walker said that he never expected to be one of the success stories of sobriety. “I’ve done drugs my entire life,” he said. “I remember telling people all the time that I could literally never be sober. It would be a boring lifestyle.”Today, however, he is happy that he and Ashley made the change together.