Arnold Schwarzenegger Told Son To Skip Pot, Get High On Life

Movie star and former governor Arnold Schwarzenegger terminated his son’s pot habit with some well-timed fatherly advice. Four years ago Arnold Schwarzenegger told his son Patrick, now 25, to skip the weed and get "high on life" after Patrick showed up to Easter brunch stoned. Patrick shared the story on Instagram this weekend, which fell on both Easter and 4/20. “FUN STORY: Few years ago (4 exactly) showed up lil high to Easter brunch... classic. My old man asked why... said 'I dunno makes thing more fun.'"Arnold wasn’t convinced and told his son he shouldn’t need drugs to appreciate life.  “He replied how much more fun do you need to have, life is so good. I’m high on life. I never want anything that would take me out of my current life. Being high on life is better then [sic] anything else,” Patrick recalled in his Instagram post. The off-handed conversation had a lasting effect on Patrick, who is following in his dad’s footsteps and working as an actor and model. “Haven’t smoked since then… just HIGH ON LIFE NOW,” he wrote. “Happy & healthy & can’t thank god enough to see another day!” he wrote alongside a smiling selfie of him flashing a peace sign. “Happy 4/20 sorry if that was a buzz kill lol.”Schwarzenegger was serious about smoking pot when it came to his family, but as governor of California was relatively pot-friendly.When he was governor he downgraded the penalty for possessing pot, long before recreational cannabis use became legal in the state. However, at the time he wasn’t ready to speak out in favor of legalization. "Well, I think it's not time for that, but I think it's time for a debate,” he said in 2009, according to the Guardian. “I think all of those ideas of creating extra revenues [are worth considering]… I think we ought to study very carefully what other countries are doing that have legalized marijuana and other drugs. What effect did it have on those countries?"During Schwarzenegger’s bodybuilder years he appeared in a documentary taking a hit of marijuana. He also joked about sharing a joint with Obama back in the 1970s, something that never actually happened. However, Schwarzenegger made an elaborate sketch about how the then-president wouldn’t share. 

Eminem Celebrates 11 Years Of Sobriety

Hip-hop superstar Eminem marked a milestone of sobriety on Instagram with an image of a medallion and the caption, "11 years - still not afraid."The rap veteran (real name Marshall Mathers) has spoken in depth about his struggle with and recovery from a dependency on prescription medications, which he described in 2013 as "dark times… mostly due to taking a lot of pills and f—king drooling on myself."Since then, he has rebounded both personally and professionally, as evidenced by the reception for his most recent album, Kamikaze (2018).Mathers told Rolling Stone in 2011 that his dependencies on Vicodin, Ambien and Xanax began while he was filming the semi-autobiographical, Oscar-winning 8 Mile in 2002."We were doing 16 hours on the set, and you had a certain window where you had to sleep," he recalled. Ambien "knocked me the f—k out," which led to a prescription and constant use combined with the opioid painkiller Vicodin."I was taking so many pills that I wasn't even taking them to get high anymore," he told Rolling Stone. "I was taking them to feel normal. I want to say that in a day I could consume anywhere from 40 to 60 Valium. And Vicodin… maybe 20, 30?"In 2007, Mathers tried methadone, which he was told was "just like Vicodin, and they're easier on your liver." He soon began consuming large quantities of that drug as well. "My doctor told me the amount of methadone I'd taken was equivalent to shooting up four bags of heroin," he said in 2009.In late December of that year, Mathers suffered a catastrophic overdose that left him unconscious for two days. But after only a week in the hospital, the rapper returned home, where weakness and exhaustion led to a torn meniscus, which in turn led to a relapse, seizure and a return to the hospital. "That's when I knew," he recalled. "I could either get help, or I am going to die."With the aid of a rehab counselor, a rigid exercise schedule and the support of friends in recovery like Elton John, whom Mathers described as "like my sponsor," he committed to sobriety and in 2018 celebrated a decade of clean and sober living. The experience has given the rapper perspective on the addictions that have run throughout his family and his career."Rap was my drug," he said in 2009. "It used to get me high, and then it stopped getting me high. Then I had to resort to other things to make me feel that… now rap's getting me high again."

Denver Votes To Allow Social Marijuana Use

The city of Denver, which was a leader in the recreational marijuana legalization movement, is moving forward with plans to make it easier for people to open businesses that allow social consumption of marijuana.  Councilmember Kendra Black introduced a measure that would relax the rules dictating how far businesses that allow marijuana consumption must be from recreational centers, childcare facilities and other protected establishments. The city council passed the measure by a 9-2 vote on Monday (April 15). The measure will open an additional 2.2 square miles of space for cannabis businesses, the city said.  “There are many people who we have heard from who want to open a business but cannot find a location,” Black told The Denver Post. Although the city passed a law in 2016 allowing social marijuana businesses, like cannabis cafes, there are only two in town, largely because of the strict regulations.  The law currently requires businesses to be 1,000 feet from schools, a stipulation that will remain. However, the city council measure will allow social-use businesses to operate closer to other community and child-focused facilities as long as they are more than 500 feet away.  Proponents of the measure said that it will cut down on public marijuana use, which is illegal, and reduce the frequency of cannabis being used in front of kids.  Stacy Lynn, who advocates for access to medical cannabis for kids, said that the measure is important for protecting young people. “If they have nowhere to consume, they will do it in front of our children,” she said. “How do you get it off the street? You put it in a closed, secure building.” However, opponents said that the city shouldn’t be strengthening the cannabis industry.  Luke Niforatos, who leads a group opposed to the commercialization of cannabis, said, “I don’t think it’s the job of any member of an elected government to make it easier for a drug industry to make more money, to make it easier for people to use drugs.”  Others, including Councilwoman Robin Kniech, said that the city has spent far too much time tinkering with cannabis regulations.  She said, “There is no evidence whatsoever that kids are at risk from an activity happening in a building they cannot see at 1,000 feet, 500 feet or next door. We have so many huge challenges facing out city, and the time we have spent on this… frankly offends me.”

Morning Roundup: Apr. 16, 2019

Dear Christine: How Do I Deal With My Son's Substance Abuse? [Greater Good Magazine]Sociologist and coach Christine Carter responds to parents who suspect that their college-aged son is developing a drug and alcohol problem. "He seems to only be able to get in a good mood when he has had something to drink or smoke, which is often."Perspective: I'm Still Dateable, Even Though I Don't Drink [Huffington Post]"Before I stopped drinking almost seven years ago, I would have never wanted to date a sober person..." Dating without alcohol wasn't as daunting as this writer thought. Sheer Scale of Opioid Epidemic Challenges Southern States' Resistance to Harm Reduction Strategies [Kaiser Health News]Faced with serious drug problems, attitudes toward harm reduction strategies (needle exchange, supervised injection facilities) are shifting. As the drug crisis has gotten worse, nothing is off the table. Marijuana Testing of Job Applicants Is Barred by City in Groundbreaking Measure [NY Times]A bill that would prohibit NYC employers from testing job applicants for marijuana was approved by the City Council. "The legislation means we aren't shutting out thousands of people from the workforce for the private decision to use marijuana."David Esparza, 76, Counseled Inmates on Substance Abuse [My San Antonio]Remembering David Esparza, who ran Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for Mexican-American men in his local jail and parole office. He is remembered for his humility and belief in others, strengths that helped him in addition to his past drinking problem to reach other men.Supporters Sue to Open Safe Injection Site in Philadelphia, Citing Religious Freedom [WBHM]In response to opposition from the state and federal government, the coalition that is trying to open the nation's first supervised injection facility is hitting back with a countersuit. Their right to "preserve life" per their Judeo-Christian beliefs is cited in court documents.Clark Gable's Grandson Died of an Accidental Fentanyl Overdose [People]Accidental fentanyl overdose was reported to be the cause of death of 30-year-old Clark James Gable. The grandson of film icon Clark Gable was found dead on Feb. 22.Recovering Addicts Are Telling Students Their Stories to Help Fight Drug Use [NorthJersey.com]Through Alumni in Recovery, volunteers speak with students about their addiction-recovery journeys, hoping to guide them on a different path.

5 Lessons from 5 Years of Sobriety

I’m entering my fifth year of sobriety this April. Finding and maintaining sobriety has been no small task and I’ve learned a lot about myself over this time. I’ve changed from who I was as a drunk and as a newly sober person to who I am now. There have been high points, low points, and everything in between.I’ve had many opportunities to share my experience with others: I’ve spoken at conferences, written articles for The Fix and many other online publications, been interviewed by WIRED, and been a guest on numerous podcasts and radio programs. I’ve felt scared and vulnerable sharing my stories and experiences, but on each of these occasions I’ve been rewarded with community support and increased accountability. Inevitably someone reaches out to thank me, in person or virtually. I believe this human bond we create through sharing is critical for all who struggle with addiction. In this post, I am commemorating my fifth sober anniversary with a reflection on five lessons I’ve learned. Holy shit! Did you read that? I’ve been sober for five years. I didn’t know I could make it five days, let alone one year. I would have laughed if someone told me I’d make it five years. Wasn’t I just pulling a typical Victor and waiting for the fallout from one of my drunken rampages to calm down? Turns out I am able to stick with something.I’ve spent most of the last five years examining myself and reflecting on life. One thing is clear, I am full of contradictory thoughts and actions. We all are. As famed American poet (and proponent of being naked in nature) Walt Whitman wrote in Song of Myself:Do I contradict myself?Very well then I contradict myself,(I am large, I contain multitudes.)You will see my contradictions here and elsewhere. Let’s jump in to the lessons.1. Recovery Does Not Equal RecoveredI still have cravings for alcohol. I still need to remove myself from situations that make me feel out of control. My life is not perfect and I’m not all better. I have the same shit, the same trials and temptations to deal with, but now I address them as a sober person. I don’t believe in full recovery – not for myself. I’ll define recovered as either a complete lack of interest in drinking or the ability to drink in moderation with no chance of falling back into abuse.I’m aware some people identify as recovered and no longer have issues. I don’t dispute their recovery but I have enough self-awareness to know this has yet to occur for me. My thoughts when I crave alcohol are to feel drunk, to overconsume, to try one more time for the elusive buzz I spent over 10 years unsuccessfully chasing. To stay successful in recovery, I need an in recovery--not recovered--mindset.2. Sobriety Is What You Make of ItSobriety without additional work has a limited impact on your life. It might be a huge impact, but the ceiling extends drastically upward when you combine it with additional work on yourself. Alcohol abuse wasn’t the only issue I had and being sober allows me to begin addressing these underlying issues. I’ve needed to continue working on myself beyond sobriety. I have areas of deficiency I’ll need to work on for years, if not forever. For the sake of brevity, I’ll refrain from listing these.Sobriety (from alcohol) at its most basic level is a period of time spent not drinking. I understand why many people commit to the day at a time mindset. You need to have small, achievable time frames to get through cravings, days which you spend refocusing, creating healthier habits, rebuilding or building a new life, and building your support system. Simply staying sober will heal your body. Staying sober while learning and growing will heal your mind as well.I haven’t always been successful at doing more than staying sober. In fact, I’ve recently gone through a year or so of backsliding when it comes to handling my anxiety and mental health and building social support, which has resulted in some drastic negative changes in some of my closest relationships. However, I have stayed sober and this has allowed me to correct my course. I’ve become proactive in using techniques to manage anxiety and I’ve pushed myself to develop new and deeper relationships with positive people who support me. I’m seeking new opportunities to grow in the right direction.3. Sobriety Is My SoulmateSound dramatic? How about, sobriety is my rock? Sobriety is my better half? Sobriety is the one thing that has been there for me every single day for five years. Sometimes I didn’t want it around and sometimes I’ve had to fight to keep it. I’ve gained and lost a number of things over the past five years but sobriety is the one consistent positive presence in my life. I get to choose every day whether I want to keep my sobriety or not. Choosing yes for another day deepens my commitment and strengthens the neural pathways that help me resist temptation.When I reflect on this choice I’ve made every day for five years, I realize sobriety is a limitless resource, readily available for anyone who needs it. I won’t run out of sobriety one day if someone else becomes sober. I won’t run out of sobriety if 500,000 people become sober. Sobriety can be everyone’s soulmate simultaneously.Sobriety won’t leave me if I slip up. These five years are made up of a string of days where I’ve made the same choice. If I had chosen to drink on any of these days, sobriety wouldn’t be any less available to me; I could have come back the following day. In that sense, five years is meaningless. Regardless of what stage you’re at, or even if you’re just thinking about it – sobriety will be there when you’re ready for it. Sobriety won’t judge you. Sobriety doesn’t care if you had a drink yesterday, or if you’ll have another drink in a week.4. Drunk Conversations Are Toxic to EveryoneI remember being the drunk who shared my philosophy of the world with anyone who’d listen. I was so smart, my insight incomparable, my language spot on. If only I could hold on to that level of confidence when I’d sober up the next day, I’d show everyone how great I was. Yet I could never muster the words or confidence when I wasn’t drunk. In sobriety, I see drunk conversations as absurd, pathetic, or sad at best. Few sober people would say the words that so comfortably spill out of the mouths of drunks.I still frequent bars and venues where alcohol is a focus and I still encounter plenty of drunk conversations. They fall into three categories:Drunk with plans to conquer the world. You have the ultimate plan and you know how to execute it. If only the rest of us were as excited as you are about it. You’re going to pass out before you can start making progress.Drunk with plans to conquer their date. This is disgusting. You are seducing your date with slurred words and poorly veiled references to sex. They are looking around to assess their exit strategy. Hopefully you don’t throw up on them.Drunks who are sad, whiny, or complaining about life. Bartenders find themselves having to support these conversations unless it’s a group of drunks and then it becomes a contest over who is the most aggrieved. Sometimes these folks end the night with fighting or violence. Regardless of how tough you talk or how many people you fight, drunk shit-talking still boils down to being a sad, whiny loser.I’ve written these three conversations out using a judgmental tone. And while I am judging, I am also aware that I’ve been an active contributor to each type of drunk conversation on dozens of occasions. I’ve done my part to give others uncomfortable experiences. I apologize for that and hope some of my work in sobriety has atoned for some of what I’ve done.5. Being Vulnerable Without Alcohol is More Authentic and More RewardingI had what I refer to as diarrhea mouth when I would get drunk. I couldn’t stop talking. Alcohol was a truth serum for me: I could get drunk and tell you exactly what I was thinking and feeling. I could express elation, I could express sorrow. I could tell you I hate your fucking guts. The words came easy (see my previous lesson!). Speaking the truth while being vulnerable without alcohol is more difficult, but it’s also more authentic.I now pause before I share my thoughts and feelings. I have coherent thoughts during this pause where I calculate whether what I’m saying might be harmful to others. I also consider if what I’m saying leaves me exposed to criticism or hurt. This pause didn’t exist when I was drunk. I’m also fighting my natural tendency to withdraw from being social during the pause. Sober Victor is someone who is less comfortable sharing what is happening inside of him. I still end up saying hurtful things or oversharing in ways that might make others feel uncomfortable, but I am aware of and accept the consequences.My vulnerability extends beyond what I say. Writing exposes me to criticism in the form of online comments or posts in other forums. Opening myself up to written criticism from others is a reversal of how I used writing as a drunk. I used my writing to hurt people: mean texts, drunken Facebook posts, belligerent emails, and even hand-written letters were a hallmark of my absurd drunken behavior. Again, I hope the words I write now to share what I’ve learned provide some atonement for the words I’ve written to hurt people.Here is a sixth bonus lesson. I plan to write more about this in the near future. My reflection on my history of alcohol use has led me to conclude:6. I’ve Abused Alcohol Since My First EncounterI didn’t progressively become an alcohol abuser. Yes, my abuse became worse, but I abused from the beginning. I’m fairly certain I’ve never had a single healthy experience using alcohol. If you can relate to this, consider stopping your drinking until you can figure out if you do have an issue.Five years have passed in the blink of an eye. I had no concept of what five years would be like when I first stopped drinking and I’m not sure I fully understand or appreciate the magnitude of this accomplishment. I’m not sure I’d have been healthy or alive to write this if I hadn’t found sobriety.What do I see for the next five years? I’m committed to staying sober and I’ll need to make some adjustments to accomplish this. I have recommitted to seeking support in the form of healthy relationships with other sober people, attending support groups, journaling, and practicing mindfulness. My sobriety is not on cruise control. I also intend to stay an active contributor to The Fix and other relevant publications; I find it helps me stay accountable.Thank you for reading this post. Thank you for being part of my journey. Please share this with anyone who might find it useful.

Alcohol Detection Devices May Soon Become Mainstream

A device now used only for those convicted of driving under the influence may soon become a universal piece of equipment in vehicles. According to the Washington Post, government-funded researchers have been working on an ignition interlock for the past 10 years. The device would require drivers to measure their blood alcohol level before starting their vehicle and would prevent them from doing so if over the legal limit.  The device, dubbed the Driver Alcohol Detection System for Safety (DADSS), would measure a driver’s BAC in two ways: one would be breath-based (and would not require a mouthpiece), while the other would be touch-based. The most important features of the device, according to officials on the project, is that it be “fast, precise and just about perfectly reliable in many different driving conditions,” as well as cheat-proof. Robert Strassburger serves as president and chief executive of Automotive Coalition for Traffic Safety, which is part of the DADSS initiative. He tells the Post that while similar devices already exist, they simply aren’t up to the necessary standards. “They are very difficult to use—they require that you provide a very large volume of breath from the very depths of your lungs,” he said. “Even people who use them regularly and are experienced in using them typically fail to provide a sufficient breath sample about 30% of the time.”Strassburger tells the Post that one of the most vital aspects of the device development is determining how humans process alcohol. “That is one of the most significant challenges facing us in the development of this technology: How we, as individuals, absorb and eliminate alcohol is a function of our gender, our ethnicity, underlying health problems, [and] what we might be doing before or after we’ve consumed alcohol. All of that we have to understand,” he said.Strassburger states that the breath-based measurement would be done without a mouthpiece and would simply entail breathing from the driver’s seat. The touch-based system would work a bit differently.“If you’ve ever been to the doctor or the hospital and they clip that thing on the end of your finger that measures your pulse and the oxygen content of your blood, that’s a similar kind of concept,” he said. “We're looking below the surface of the skin at your capillary bed and measuring how much alcohol is in your blood that way.”According to Strassburger, researchers are still working on a way to ensure that the breath or touch would be coming only from the driver and no one else. If successful, experts predict the new devices could prevent 10,000 deaths annually. The device could be ready for commercial use as soon as next year.Last year, Virginia’s Department of Motor Vehicles utilized the device, and it’s also being road-tested currently at James River Transportation, a private company in Virginia.

Massachusetts Mental Health Court Serves As Alternative To Jail Time

Nearly one-fifth of prisoners have been diagnosed with a mental health disorder. This fact has pushed one Massachusetts judge to take action.  Kathleen Coffey, a judge in the West Roxbury neighborhood of Boston, Massachusetts, is hoping to change the way these individuals receive treatment through a program called Recovery with Justice.   Coffey, who serves as the Specialty Courts Director for the Boston Municipal Court, created the program hoping to help those with mental health and other developmental disorders with an alternative to jail time.  “Many people end up in the criminal justice system because other systems have failed them and the social safety net has failed them,” Coffey told Boston 25 News. "Often times, mental illness has not been flagged, or has not been identified as a contributing factor.”  According to the mental health court's official webpage, the program “is a specialized court session that helps defendants maintain stability, achieve recovery and avoid incarceration by providing intensive social services and mental health treatment.” Those in the program must take part in community-based treatment for at least three months and will be reviewed by a court team. In each case, a probation officer works alongside a mental health clinician to identify the needs of each individual. Based on those needs, a specific plan is created. This plan may include treatment referrals and opportunities for housing, education and employment.  The recipient of one such plan, Mario Torres, tells Boston 25 News that he has been in and out of jail for a total of 20 to 25 years throughout his life. He says that going to mental health court is a way of talking through his struggles, almost like therapy.  “Judge Coffey is pretty understanding about my addiction,” Torres said. “I had a drug problem in my past… constantly into trouble and getting arrested.”  “I look back and I have thrown my life out the window,” he added. Torres hopes that being a part of Recovery with Justice will help him get his life on track for good. “I want to be a productive member to society,” Torres said. Throughout Massachusetts, Boston 25 News reports, there are currently seven mental health courts. At the one in West Roxbury, more than 200 people have been admitted. “We are keeping good people out of jail and within the community, recognizing that is what the court system is supposed to do,” Coffey said. “We are supposed to be here to help people.”

New York Tries To Tax Prescription Opioids Again

New York state has passed a measure to tax opioid prescriptions in an attempt to fund addiction-recovery efforts, despite the fact that a court ruled a similar measure unconstitutional last year. According to WXXI, the state said that the measure, part of the state budget, is intended to raise additional funds to pay for the response to the opioid crisis by taxing manufacturers.However, some people argue that the tax could have unintended effects, pushing people to use illegal substances if prescription opioids become more expensive. “While the language of the proposed law attempts to place the burden of the tax on drug manufacturers, in practice market forces determine how the burden of the tax is shared between producers and consumers,” Lewis Davis, professor of economics at Union College, wrote in a report.The report was prepared last year and paid for by a pharmaceutical lobbying group, but echoed concerns shared by other organizations including the American Cancer Society Action Network.Davis pointed out that the tax policy could have a number of negative side effects. “Most of the tax will be paid by non-consuming NY residents in the form of higher insurance premiums and higher taxes to cover public health programs. Second, to the extent that the cost of the tax is passed on to consumers, it will have a high cost to society in terms of reduced access to medically appropriate use of opioids,” he wrote. “Third, by increasing the cost of prescription opioids, the proposed tax will encourage NY residents suffering from opioid dependence to switch to cheaper illegal opioids, including heroin and fentanyl, with increased rates of accidental overdose.”He continued, “Because it fails to target opioid abuse, the proposed tax is poorly designed policy for addressing the opioid crisis.”Last year, a federal court struck down the tax because it would violate interstate commerce laws by treating New York residents differently from consumers in other states. The 2019 version of the bill works around that and should stand up in court, according to the state. Freeman Klopott, a spokesperson for the state budget office, said that New Yorkers who use prescription opioids won’t be affected by the measure, since most of the cost for the tax will be shouldered by insurance companies and drug manufacturers. “We expect no significant change in the availability of these pharmaceuticals or any diversion to illicit alternatives,” said Klopott.

Morning Roundup: Apr. 2, 2019

Taken for a Ride: How Ambulance Debt Afflicts the Extreme Poor [American Prospect]A report on how something as simple as a ride to the hospital can be financially crippling. This is true especially for people recovering from difficult situations.Two Ohio Mothers Open Up About Their Sons' Drug Addictions [NPR]A transcript of a conversation between two moms last year. Both of their young adult sons struggled with drug addiction. Now, they are both in treatment.HBO Interview: David Feherty Reveals He Suffered Relapse After Son's Death [Golf Digest]Former golfer and NBC commentator David Feherty lost his son to a drug overdose in 2017. "He was lost in so many ways. Reminded me a lot of me."The Challenge of Going Off Psychiatric Drugs [The New Yorker]A detailed account of one woman's experience with psychiatric drugs from a young age. She survived years of different diagnoses and medications, and a suicide attempt, to get where she is now. After Addiction Derailed His Hoop Dreams, He's Helping Others Through the Herren Project [South Coast Today]Much like his childhood friend and former NBA player Chris Herren, Kevin Mikolazyk struggled with substance abuse. Now, he's the executive director of the Herren Project, a non-profit recovery organization.Baltimore's Forgotten Opioid Epidemic [Vox]This report highlights the toll of the drug crisis on Baltimore's urban communities. Lack of funding makes it all the more difficult to provide the help that the city needs.After Losing Their Daughter, Family Tries to Fight Opioids in Their Community [VPR]A family that lost their daughter in February is helping people like her fight addiction by opening a community-based recovery center in her memory. "She was sober for 55 days and then made one call and four days later she was gone." Social Media Addiction Is Not Natural or Normal—But Is It Really a Disease? [Guardian]This columnist suggests that instead of demonizing and pathologizing social media use, we should "be focusing on living with it, rather than abandoning, restricting or censoring it."

Nice to Meet You, Will You Marry Me: Life as a Newcomer in Sobriety

One of the trickiest things to do in recovery is practicing mindfulness and awareness after putting the dope down and learning how to stay sober. Emotional sobriety is paramount when it comes to remaining sober. I believe that if I can grow in the areas of low self-esteem, codependency, anger management, and intimate relationships, then the act of not self-medicating becomes extremely easy.Those four areas are very important to address and work on while getting sober.I use because I am obsessed with the desired effect. When I put the drug in me I feel better. So when I'm not feeling good about my image or who I am as a person, I want to medicate. When I'm acting out in a codependent way, I want to medicate. When I'm struggling with anger, I want to medicate. I don't feel good; I want to feel good. Drugs help me feel great.If it weren't for all the consequences that come along with using, I'd be high right now.Love Is the DrugLet's talk about the fourth area: relationships.A wise man once told me that relationships would be the hardest thing I'll ever do in recovery. Those words never rang truer in my life than the day I finally got into one. It takes work, it takes patience, it takes a whole lot of faith and trust. It takes looking inward and being mindful of many things: who I am as a person, my morals, my ability to listen and show empathy, and making sure I’m living honestly with integrity. It takes courage and many other things that only come by living a holistic recovery lifestyle. When I do these things, my relationship is very rewarding for myself and for my partner. Even through conflict, we come out stronger.So factoring in all that, imagine being someone with low self-esteem; somebody that struggles with codependency and is quick to anger. Now imagine getting into a relationship when you haven't grown in those three areas. On top of all that you're still figuring out how to simply stay sober. What a beautiful recipe for disaster. It would be a miracle if you didn't use in the end.If I haven't grown in those three areas, it’s safe to say that I still don't feel good about myself. And if I don't feel good about myself, my knee-jerk reaction is to find something to make me feel better. And if the lifestyle of a person in active addiction is codependent in nature, imagine how potentially deadly it would be to engage in an intimate relationship.I mean, let's be honest. Relationships make us feel good. We feel wanted, we feel important, depending on the situation we feel attractive, the endorphins are flowing, the dopamine is at an all-time high, not to mention the sex is probably amazing! Relationships make us feel good. And if we haven't done the work to grow in the areas of emotional sobriety, we will quickly find that being in a relationship has become our new fix.It's intoxicating and obsessive. The desired effect is immediate. Almost sounds like using drugs. Now the term “drunk in love” isn’t such a stretch, is it?And that's why it's recommended to stay out of a relationship your first year in sobriety. It's not because sex is bad or being in love is wrong. It's because relationships make you feel good too soon, too often. I need to give myself an opportunity to recover in all areas of my life before I can think about anyone else.Essentially, I have replaced the drug with a person, most likely another person in recovery because those bonds are deep. And now there are two lives at stake. It's dangerous.I'm not trying to scare anyone away from pursuing a relationship, I'm simply saying to be mindful and aware. Assess where you're at in your personal recovery before you start messing with someone else. Especially if they are in recovery as well.That reminds me of a story.Falling in Love at a 12-Step MeetingI remember one of my first 12-step meetings. I was at an all-time low. I had just gotten out of jail, I looked like shit, my car had gotten repossessed, I was jobless, on probation, and coming off of painkillers, my real true love. When I got to the meeting there was a woman standing by the door greeting everyone. She made eye contact with me, smiled, gave me a hug and told me her name. She opened the door and pointed towards the coffee. I’d finally found her! The one I had been waiting for my whole life! I was in love!I sat through that whole meeting obsessing over her. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. When it was her turn to share, I thought I heard the voice of an angel. I imagined what it would be like to date her. I imagined the highs and the lows of being in a relationship with her. I thought about our wedding and how many kids we would have. I thought about the breakup and the make-up sex. I thought about her cheating on me and imagined what it would be like to win her heart back. I saw us growing old and dying together. The perfect couple, in love until the very end. I pictured all that in 60 minutes. The entire time I was at that meeting, that's all I thought about.I didn't hear about recovery that evening. I didn't hear a solution to my drug problem. I just sat there and crazily obsessed over this woman. She was the one. Perfect for me.I never saw her again after that. I couldn't even tell you her name.My first few months in early sobriety, that's kinda how it went. I would show up at a meeting, meet a woman, live an entire life with her in my head for 60 minutes, and go home. I did that dozens of times with dozens of women. I know none of their names and they have no idea who the hell I am.It was a miracle I never engaged or acted on the thoughts going through my sick unrecovered head. I can't imagine the damage I would've caused in those meetings.I'm blessed to have had sponsors who told me to leave the women alone; to give them a chance to recover too.They told me two dead batteries can't start a car.I'm grateful for the men in my life who instilled good values in me during early sobriety. I haven't lived a perfect life in recovery but I have been super mindful and aware of the fact that I don't want to hurt anyone.If I'm still creating chaos and causing as much damage in recovery that I used to cause while in active addiction, what's the fucking point in staying sober? I might as well use if I'm going to be a sober scumbag.How I Got Healthy Enough for an Intimate RelationshipToday I focus on myself, who I am as a person. I work on my self-esteem every day. Some days are better than others. I combat codependency whenever it rears its ugly head. I address the areas in my life where I may struggle with anger and find ways to work through them. I'm a better man for it.And because of that, I have the ability to practice being in a healthy relationship. Because I’ve gained so many tools while on this recovery journey and I’ve found all are indispensable, interchangeable, and useful within my intimate relationship.It's been a long time since I've walked into a meeting and asked a woman to marry me in my head.My hope for you if you've read up to this point, is that you find a place in your life where you have fallen in love with yourself; knowing all the good and all the bad that makes up who you are. I think when we can become our own best friend without all the false pride is when we finally become an awesome partner for someone else. I hope that happens for you (if that's what you're looking for).If nobody told you today that they love you, fuck it, there’s always tomorrow.